I learnt something new today.

I saw a side of her that I couldn't see. And I finally saw it. What people said is true. and the worst part is that I trusted her, did what she wants or means... MdmShe had me around her finger. I had seen the world, the work with blinded eyes. SO blinded that I was in a dream world. Its time to wake up, baby.

I had a relapse of minor eye infection yesterday, and I saw the need to go to the polyclinic to get another dose of the medicine. The previous eye drop expired 1 month after use. SO I went to the polyclinic this morning. After the visit to the doctor, my body heated up and I had a fever. Even though my conscience didn't want me to sleep, I did, in order to rest for a while. This is a bad decision that I made today. As I don't have any MC or leave yet, Mdm told me to report work at 11 am. Then the consequences of my bad decision followed. Mom told me to be patient...
I didn't answer her's sms "Where are you?"

Then 30 minutes later, she smsed me, following Mdm's style. By hook or by crook, I want the files by today. Then you can go and rest. There's lots of work to do.

Only then, I realised that I held Camb 2 files, which had their project booklet. By coming late, I actually backlogged their progress.

30 minutes later, I actually managed to get a cab. I had to wait for any available taxis.. Mdm called me, yelling as she spoke. She questioned me where am I and did I bring the files. I did, and from that moment I realised that she had spoken to Mdm. Its betrayal. From that moment, after I recovered from my disbelief, my heart closed its doors. If she can do this to me during work, she can do the same even when we are not working.

Now people's perception of me is that I can't do my job, that she is better than me, helpful and cannot be depended on. During debriefing, my senses told me that she made some messages. She just wanted to suck up to Mdm. Maintain Mdm's good impression of her. and what really pissed me off is that she can still talk to me like nothing had happened earlier. What the fuck. I really don't have the appetite to eat, and felt like staying away from her. she kept her good side, and asked me whether I wanted to eat. I rejected her offer. If she turns cold towards me, the better. Its better to stay away.

What they said is true. If you can't keep up with the demands of your job, or be fast paced when you are supposed to, you fail as a teacher, as a team player. You lose trust in your colleagues, and people will start talking.

Sometimes its the truth, and the truth hurts. Damn a lot. It still breaks my heart when I remember the moment when a person that I respected a lot spoke the truth to another person about my bad points.

Sometimes I ask myself, why I couldn't do a task properly. and my efforts that I did earlier were just thrashed in a moment.


I have an intention to do a good job, to leave this place with a good impression. but going back through the latest events, I doubt so.

Now my leave is deducted. I heard that there's 3 weeks leave, and my leave is deducted 2 weeks. Most likely lah. My goal is to get my 13th month bonus and ciao.

I have several obstacles in order to achieve my 1 year experience. I went into it. got manipulated around, taken advantage, and pushed around. I saw a side of myommunity that I never liked, and saw the point why my race cannot advance forward. its toothe mindset of copying others, jealous when somebody advance and they don't. Every single thing they will comment. Favoritism. people will be popular and some
don't. With all these going around, its no wonder my community cannot move forward. There's always be fighting internally.

Adilla, just do your best. even things didn't turn out like the way you want it, at least, you learnt a lot during your experience here... Pray to God.